Message of the Day: Interference in Transmission

Good Morning,

 

My current read by Deborah Tannen: “That’s Not What I Meant” (http://www.amazon.com/Thats-Not-What-I-Meant/dp/0345340906). This book, which I am halfway through, covers a lot about breakdowns in communication. As mentioned in other posts, I believe communication to be the universal solvent and have read many books on the subject, taken several classes on it, been coached and trained on it, and yet, there is always more to learn about it.

 

One large take away from Deborah Tannen’s book is the clashing of communication styles. This goes beyond people using words that are offensive to others, or being loud and obnoxious, using a system of communication (like Joe Friday, just the facts Maam) versus unchecked stream of consciousness talking (we know the folks who just talk, talk and talk, and change subjects mid sentence, and we realize that what pops in their brains comes out their mouth).

 

When two or more people with the same communications style interact, they get along famously, even if they only just met. When these same people have different communication styles, then problems start almost from the outset.

 

Having come from the North East (New York) and living in Louisville (Gateway to the South) the styles of communication, not just the words, the idioms and sayings used are very different. For example:

 

• I grew up with people who spoke very loudly and felt I was finished with my point in a conversation the moment I paused for a breath.

 

• In Louisville, pausing mid sentence is common as people collect their thoughts and think what is best to say next. As an North Easterner, I took that as a sign that their point was completed (in which is generally was not) and so I launched a question or comment into the silent space questioning the incomplete thought.

 

• This then threw off the person I was talking to who had to change gears or just blurt out “I was not done”.

 

• They would see my method of speaking as interruptions and being rude and overbearing, not letting them get a word in edgewise. I saw them as indecisive and confused and speaking incomplete and confusing thoughts.

 

John, a friend of the family, a Realtor from Alaska, told about dealing with the Indians (some would say Eskimos) and the rude awakening we would get in their method of speaking. If we asked them a question, they would simply look or stare at us in silence for up to a minute or more before responding to us. If we waited, the response we would hear would be very clear, well thought out and quite perceptive. If we did not know this, we would think they were simply ignoring us, or did not understand us, or were not very intelligent, when in fact they are smart, and do wish to respond to us, but in their style of communications.

 

I have learned to not react to silent pauses and respond, I have grown patience and understanding (although those closest to me would say I need to keep growing, and they would be right, thank you Honey!). This has led to better communication skills with people as I have adapted my communications style.

 

So, yes, folks, communication does get more complicated because not only do we have to worry about the words we say, the inflections we use in saying them, the body language which goes along with the words themselves, we now have to understand the style of communications used by those we interact with.

 

I look forward to finishing Deborah Tannen’s book and learning more about communicating more efficiently and effectively and reduce my interference in transmission.

 

Enjoy!

 

Sanford Berenberg

Sanford@berenberg.net

http://www.berenberg.net

http://sanfordberenberg.blogspot.com/

502-533-9336

 

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