The Sanford Berenberg Experience

502-533-9336

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Message of the Day - Letters of Love

Good Morning,

I am finishing up ‘Men are from Mars and Women are From Venus’ by John Gray (http://home.marsvenus.com/). It is a great book, but I have to put it down periodically. Here is where I read some of those short books in between. This allows me to come back to the book with a fresh perspective each time.

One part of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus that really indicated to me was writing love letters to your significant others when you are upset at them.

Instead of allowing a disagreement to expand into an argument and then to a fight, recognize that your voice is getting loud and excuse yourself to cool off and focus yourself. Here is where you can write a letter to your loved one (even if you don’t ever give it to them). Start off with what you are angry about, what you are fearful about, what you are sad about, what you regret and finally with what you love. End the letter with a PS which states how you would like to be replied to.

This letter allows you to vent your angers, like ‘it really upsets me that you take your frustrations out on me’.

For fears, you can write ‘I am afraid that every time I get close to you, I am chased away by your frustration’.

With Sad, you can write that you are sad that whenever you try to find a way to help, it ends up in a fight.

With Regret, you can write that you regret what you might have said, how what you said or did was taken, all the times you fought.

With Love, you can write about how much you love, what you love and that you look forward to more happiness.

In the PS Section you can write that you wish to get a hug or hear them say ‘I am sorry’.

Putting the words onto paper, whether you share that letter or not is a great tool to release some stress and allow you to cool off prior to starting up communications with your loved ones.

Many an argument could be avoided with such a simple tool.

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg

502-533-9336

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Message of the Day - Size Does NOT (always) Matter

Good Morning,

My current read was Maya Angelou’s ‘Wouldn’t Take Nothing For My Journey Now’ (http://www.amazon.com/Wouldnt-Take-Nothing-Journey-Now/dp/0553569074). Maya talks about segments of her life on how she got to where she is up to the time of the book being published in 1993. It is written in a no holds barred manner giving you the story as she wants you to see it. I truly enjoyed this book and thank my friend Todd Arwood for recommending I read Maya Angelou.

This small book had some powerful lessons. Short chapters and short stories all fill the book. Each of these had huge nuggets of information. Maya did not have to write a lot to say a lot.

Another author and professional speaker also has a small book which gave a huge lesson: Kirk Weisler and his book ‘The Dog Poop Initiative’ (http://dogpoopinitiative.com/). I don’t think there is a better message on taking initiative and responsibility out there in such a small and easy to read package.

Great messages can come in small packages. This also means that difficult subjects can be conveyed through small messages to. You just have to find the right means to deliver it.

Often, in our rush to get our message out, we find that we overlook simpler ways to communicate and rely on mounting words upon words to force our concept through.

Verbosity does not equate to understandability. More is not always better.

One way to help you know if you are giving the right amount of information is to double-check the question and reconfirm who your audience is. More can be more in depth and more detailed, but if you are looking for a short and sweet answer, more is definitely not better.

In ‘Horton Hears a Who’, the land of Whoville was saved by a single YAUP.

Size does not always matter. A message can be delivered in simple terms, in small packages and do a far better job than by using voluminous tomes of detailed data.

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg

502-533-9336

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Message of the Day - Mindfulness, Being Present and Letting Go

Good Morning,

My current read is a book by Jerry Braza, Ph.D. called ‘Moment by Moment’ (http://www.amazon.com/Moment-Art-Practice-Mindfulness/dp/0804831130). The basis of the book is the Art and Practice of Mindfulness. Mindfulness is being aware of what is going on both around you and within in you at any given moment. One of the biggest inhibitors to Mindfulness is incomplete projects or activities. Each grabs a part of your attention, and at some point can become stifling. Jerry Braza goes over many different techniques on how to achieve the state of Mindfulness in every day life and the benefits it can bring to you. Some of these include breathing techniques, meditation and silent observing of nature and life around you.

A similar message is also given in Dr. Spencer Johnson’s book ‘The Precious Present’ which is an allegory about living in the present and not letting the past drag you down and not letting you get hung up on what the future may bring.

These are both powerful messages about living here and now, and being Mindful of what is going on around you and within you at this very moment.

Part of living mindfully in the present is to let go of anger and resentment. Often people will say that they will forgive but not forget. That, in itself, may not be enough. When you remember, you hold onto the past resentment and anger. Anger and resentment should be let go as being something from your past. Sure, learn from the experience, but let it go, do not let it have weight over you. You know, holding a grudge. A famous grudge held by Jerry Lewis against Dean Martin. Jerry Lewis talked about how they lost over TWENTY (20) YEARS until they patched their friendship up and the waste of time due to egos.

One quote in Moment by Moment is: ‘Hanging onto resentment is allowing someone you despise to live rent-free in your mind’.

I try to not hold grudges, and while I am mostly successful, it is challenging to live in a world where many people around you do consistently hold grudges. It is sad to see two former friends quibble about each other and gossip about each other and talk about what they did to each other. Outsiders who hear these talks often indicate that these folks and those they have the grudge against sound so much alike. Often that is the key. Forgiveness is a powerful tool to help us let go.

We, personally, have to let pain and anger go because they often do not know when to leave on their own.

To live in the present and be mindful of your surroundings both around and within you, you need to let go of the past and kick the non-rent paying loafers (anger and pain) out of your life.

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg

502-533-9336

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Message of the Day - Distilling Communication

Good Morning and Welcome New Recipients!

My most recent read is a book called ‘Saying The Right Thing: The Four Secrets of Powerful Communication’ by Raymond DiZazza (http://www.amazon.ca/Saying-Right-Thing-Business-Communication/dp/1570711410) where Raymond talks about how to improve communication by ensuring both the sender and the receiver understand what is being said. The book goes into ways to improve the clarity and understanding of the communication. The four secrets listed by the author are:

Focus on Your Message
Magnify the Listeners Attention
Penetrate Personal Barriers
Listen

Communication is the universal solvent. Communicating effectively is a way to success and happiness. Finding ways to fine tune your communication where you know that your message is being received as it was intended and that you understand the response to the message as it was intended is an ongoing challenge.

We as humans are very complex by design. We communicate in many different ways, often simultaneously, with words, vocal inflections, body language, action, inaction, and even the way we think. Understanding all of these facets of communication is much harder than learning Webster’s dictionary word for word. We learn to communicate more clearly through many different means. We study our subject matter so we know what we are talking about. We study who we are talking to better understand their different modes of communication. We try to understand how we communicate and the impact we have on others. The learning is continuous, which can be very intimidating.

Some ways to help improve the clarity of your communication, you can:

1. Make sure your message is clear. Mentally review what you want to say prior to saying it and be sure this is what you want to say. If you have time in advance, practice what you will say, to better prepare you for smoother delivery. A lot of times, we trip on our own words because we do not properly prepare ourselves.

2. Get your listener or audience’s attention. Be sure what you are saying is of interest to them, or appeals to them, and if necessary, ask for their attention prior to speaking. Getting undivided attention, which is often rare these days, does help a listener better hear and understand your message.

3. Be ready to reach your audience. Use analogies which bring the subject of what you are talking about into words that they understand. When I started working at e-STEEL, the bulk of the employees came from a steel background. I came from customer service. It was only when I mentioned my welding background with my customer service that they appreciated what I could contribute to the team. Call centers they did not know, steel they did, so I presented my message using that path.

4. Listen. (close your mouth, stop talking and open your ears) and listen, truly listen to those you wish to communicate with. This includes stopping your mind from coming up with the next retort while you are listening, because then you are not listening).

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg

502-533-9336

Friday, September 26, 2008

Message of the Day - It Works!

Good Morning,

In less than a month, I will come up on a milestone in my learning and growth. It was nearly three years ago in October, 2005 that I learned about the ‘Strangest Secret’ from an audio recording by Earl Nightingale. In that recording and in other areas, Earl Nightingale said:

Spending one hour per day of study will put you at the top of your field within three years. Within five years, you'll be a national authority. In seven years, you can be one of the best people in the world at what you do.

Since the learning of this secret, I have completed reading 221 books, spending about an hour a day focusing on books in the Motivational, Self-Help, Business Management, Economics and Finance, Leadership, Religious and Spiritual Self-Help and Leadership, etc. It might night be the single focus Earl Nightingale has suggested, but it has been my focus and really an amazing adventure.

The person I was in October 2005 and the person I am now are night and day. I learned a vast amount of information and have grown my skills and abilities many times beyond where they were. I mentor others and am working to build a network of like-minded professionals to expand our ability to reach and help others. I am also able to say that I earn over 50% more than I did three years ago. While this might not be the success story you see with people who become Millionaires within a year or two, I doubt many of them have built the foundation of knowledge I have and share daily.

I look forward to where I will be in the next two years as I continue to learn and grow. I have started writing my book, and will send a free copy to everyone on this list if they want.

It may be called the Strangest Secret, but it is not that strange. Remain focused and keep learning in your field, at least an hour every day. If I can do it, Mr. I hate to read books and just collected hundreds of books to fill bookshelves but never read them, then you can too. (Yes, I used to never read, now I can’t and don’t want to stop).

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg

502-533-9336

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Message of the Day - Thinking To Get What You Want

Good Morning,

My current read is ‘Secrets of The Millionaire Mind’ by T. Harv Eker (http://www.harveker.com/). He talks about how we think affects how wealthy we are and can be. I find the book very straightforward and at the same time it is giving me some surprises which have caused me to think about how I think about money and wealth. The biggest takeaway so far is that we have to think the way we want to be.

This sounds very familiar. How about the Law of Attraction, Creative Visualize, Power of Positive Thinking, the Strangest Secret, to name a few similar concepts. All of these people saying the same thing: Think as if you have what you want, and it will come to you.

This brings us back to Henry Ford’s famous quote: ‘If you think you can or if you think you can’t. Either Way you are right’. Look at this quote again with one of the concepts from above. What you think about is what you become or what you have. The key word is have, not want.

If you keep ‘wanting’ it, you will get what you ask for, which is wanting it. If you have it, in your mind, you visualize having it and using it, etc., you will more likely get that, what you want.

To be what you want, you have to visualize it. A great way to visualize your goals is to use affirmations and declarations which are written notes which state what you want and your goals an dreams. Read them every day, read them every night. Put them around your house to help you focus.

A friend of mine Dr. Todd Arwood told one of his training classes when he worked for his Doctorate, he kept notes to himself to constantly focus him on getting his goal. Whenever he had something that would conflict with his work, he looked at his affirmations around his home and became refocused. It is not surprising he obtained his goal of earning his Doctorate.

I keep mine with my morning readings so that I read it every day, without fail. It seems to be helping as life is opening opportunities for me. Let me know if you want help with crafting your own affirmations or declarations.

Enjoy!

Sanford Berenberg